Slipping my key into the door I take a moment to look back over my shoulder to see the sun starting to come up behind the Hollywood sign. I didn't realize it was this late until just now. Normally when I get home there isn't any sun on my door yet. I should have probably noticed the time. I guess my thoughts were on other things. Driving home alone, I concentrated only on the road, knowing that at this time of morning, that falling asleep at the wheel was something that might happen. It isn't until I park the car and have to get out and take the stairs up to the second floor condo that I truly find myself finally feeling the fatigue of the evening. I've been going since ten in the morning, technically now yesterday, and it's almost three in the morning when I check the clock over the stove in the kitchen after locking myself inside.
"T? Tammy? Tamara?"
I look up when I hear my name, not startled really to have someone in the house, but more that that someone is awake. I take a deep breath to clear my thoughts as Clark shuffles in from the bedroom, shorts hanging low on his hips, t-shirt twisted to the side. I still haven't really gotten used to having a roommate, housemate, no condo-mate. After living with Lance I lived with family then moved out into my own place for about three months before having Clark move in. He isn't the ideal person to spend my time with according to most people. It's not because of who he is, but more of who he isn't, since he isn't my lover or soon-to-be lover. At least he's not an ex-lover. He pays his rent on time and he isn't too nosy unless he really thinks I need a little excitement in my life.
He waves and rubs his eyes. You can only barely make out the message on the chest of it. "Buysexual--You buy me something and I'll get sexual."
"Nice T-shirt," I immediately say as he walks towards me, immediately leaning a head against my shoulder. I hug him. "Long day?"
Clark works as a production assistant for NBC. He isn't really in the limelight. He has one of those thankless jobs that gets you into the industry without getting you noticed. We're kindred spirits in that way. We work our butts off and watch other people reap the benefits.
"You have NO idea," he said and moves to kiss my cheek.
It isn't exactly the kind of kiss that I want my night to end with, but beggars can't be choosers sometimes. A kiss is a kiss these days considering that most of the ones I have received have been from gay men, friends of my condo-mate Clark, or from family members. I move back from him and slip over towards the refrigerator. I need something to put into my stomach before I go to bed. I know I have a meeting later on today. For now though, I need to get some rest and trying to sleep on an empty stomach isn't the best way to try to sleep. "Me too."
Clark leans against the counter. He's a fairly flamboyant guy, something that amuses me most mornings, but some mornings, like this morning, I tend to overlook the way he presses a hand to his forehead as if he's some wilting debutant. I do notice today about how much I love how he's just made himself at home. He's only been my roommate for a few months, but he's definitely not shy about acting as if this is HIS condo and not MY condo. "Your brother called while you were driving home. He said that you weren't answering your cell so I'm figuring that you did something to piss him off--"
I sneer at him. I don't even know where I learned to sneer, it's not a normal expression for me, but it seems to come out whenever dealing with Timothy.
Clark puts his hands up. "Or, he did something to piss you off--"
How is it that Clark already can see the way our relationship works? "Shit."
"Honey," he says, "You shouldn't swear like that. It's not very flattering."
"Screw you Clark," I say and turn to get a glass of water instead of food. Nothing sounds good now that Timothy's name has been brought up.
"You wish honey," he says with a laugh stopping for a moment to look at the back of his hand for some reason before he goes on, "But you're not my type."
I sigh. "No one is my type or I'm not anyone's type."
Clark has appointed himself as my fairy god father in the last few months. It surprises me that my brother would get so upset about me living and staying with Lance, yet seems to have no issue with me living with a gay man. On the other hand, it is the safest roommate that Timothy could ever think of. Since Clark is only looking for a man and not at all interested in me so having him share a two bedroom place is almost expected. "Don't say that."
"I mean it," I say. "I saw the ex tonight and--"
Clark's hand reaches out and grabs at my forearm. "Wait. Which ex?"
"THE ex," I say forcefully pulling my hand away. I try to distract him from the topic at hand. He's heard all about Lance and the way that things ended with him. Clark has the opinion that I should get down on my knees and beg to be taken back, something that both of us know can't happen. "It was awful. I swear I'd tell you about it, but I can't see straight right now--"
"Neither can I," Clark says.
"You're very feisty tonight," I say motioning in the air in front of me that he's earned a point in the volley of conversation back and forth.
"Sorry," he says with a shrug, "I went out and went dancing."
I cock an eyebrow at him. He'd been saying that he was losing too much money on the clubs these days since cover charges were a little too much for him in the LA area. If he's gone out again it's because he's gone out with someone who is paying the way. It can only mean one person. "With Thom?"
"Yes," he says and turns back towards his bedroom. I can see he's done with his conversation. No fond farewell, just a turn of the back and he's off for the evening, actually morning now.
"Tell him I say hi the next time you see him."
"Tell him yourself in the morning," Clark says moving into his bedroom, "Well--" He looks back over his shoulder, rubbing an eye, looking like a little kid for a moment. "--Afternoon, whenever you venture out of the dungeon and join the land of the living."
I turn to refill my glass wishing that his words didn't ring so true. I wasn't in the land of the living. I think the last time I lived a normal life was way before I met Lance. Back then the only strange things that happened to me happened because my brothers were too macho and yet at the same time loved to spoil me. Now I think everything is spoiled in my life and it's my brothers--well my whole family--that I have to thank for it.
Collecting up my glass of water I turn to go towards where the bedroom doors are and see Clark who is standing there still watching me, with a worried look now on his face, something that I haven't seen from him. "Love you too Clark."
We shuffle off to bed, Clark sliding into the room next to mine where an unexpected, yet totally loving mate awaits him. I slip into my room alone, just like every other night.
With a flip of a switch and a press of a button, the lights go off and the television goes on. A nightshirt is pulled from the fourth drawer down and somehow my clothes are stripped off then thrown towards the hamper before I slide into the cotton clothing, slide the sheets back on the bed and slip underneath them.
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Last updated: 07/04/04.