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His eyes squeezed shut, white light forming in front of his pupils from the pressure of his lids closing. He put his hands up to the headphones to drown out the sound around him. He was in the middle of business class with only a few people around him, but he felt a little claustrophobic at the moment. All he wanted to hear right now was hear the song that was playing.


I need to know if you were real
'Cause I've been known to get it wrong
When the memory comes
I'll say I'm always in the dark
You got me now

I wanna give you back
I wanna give you back
Somewhere out of here
I wanna give you
I wanna give you
I wanna give you back

I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
I got you now

I wanna give you back
I wanna give you back
Somewhere out of here
I wanna give you
I wanna give you
I wanna give you back
That's enough

Just talking about it
I don't mind
I don't mind, no I
Laugh enough
Just dreaming about it

I need to know if you were real
I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again
And as the vision fades
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn

I wanna give you back
I wanna give you back
Somewhere out of here
I wanna give you
I wanna give you
I wanna give you back
Somewhere out of here

You gotta get one out of here
Get on out of here
Get on out of here
Get on out of

"Give You Back" -- Vertical Horizon


He needed to hear it so he could calm down.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do.

He took a deep breath and panicked a little when it almost hurt to take in a full breath of air. This wasn't a good sign. It really wasn't a good sign. If his breath started to catch then his eyes would water and if his eyes watered then his mouth would turn down trying to stop it and well if he started to cry he might as well just let things go and fall on the floor. If he got that bad he should just and curl up in the fetal position to cry his eyes out for a few hours.

He tried again and got a full breath of air before his eyes opened. The blue and white checkered plane seat in front of him stared back at him and he tried to focus. He felt tears in his eyes so he quickly reached over to the seat next to him and pulled on his sunglasses and pulled up his hood hoping that people would think that he was asleep and leave him alone.

How did this get so screwed up? How was it that this morning things were fine and now things were a mess?

He shouldn't have taken that call earlier. He'd been at the airport, practically on the plane already; he should have known better. He should have looked at the caller ID better. Hadn't he hurt enough for one day? It was one thing to know that he couldn't have the one he loved, but losing Gabby too was going to pull on him more. He should have just let it go to voice mail. He could still hear her voice in his ears...


"I don't want you to go. I don't want you to go."

She was crying and it took all his strength then to not join her. She'd been that way when he'd left the hotel and he'd hoped that she would recover but it didn't seem that she had.

"Gabby sugar," he said trying to calm her down. He wondered if Patty was around or if anyone was there with her. "Please don't do this...I don't want you to be sad about this. I told you that I'd see you soon--"

"No you won't," she said, "No you won't...you'll go away like my dad did and I'll never be able to hang out with you anymore."

"Yeah you will," he said.

"No I won't," she said, "I don't like it that he's here. I never liked it when he was here. I liked it with you and my mom. I liked that...why can't I have that?"

"Gabby," he said with a shaky voice, "Where's your mom?"

"In the other room with my dad."

This was going to kill him. He knew it, but he also had an obligation to do it. "Gabby," he said firmly, "I want you to get off the phone with me and go find your mom...ok?"

"What am I supposed to do then?" she asked.

"Just go and spend time with her," he choked out, "I have to get on my plane. I'll call you in a few days...oky?"

"I don't want you to go," she cried out, "Please don't go."

He heard a noise in the background and then Patty got on the phone, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," he said, "She called me."

"Well what'd you say to her?"

"Nothing," he said, "She's just upset. Just go take care of her and tell her she can call me later."


"I wanna talk again!" Gabby protested.

"Talk to her," Patty said and handed the phone back.

"Bye Gabby," he choked out.

"Bye," she said pausing for a moment as if she knew the significance of that goodbye.


All he could do was to tell her that he had to go and that he'd be seeing her soon. It was depressing to know that it might not be true, that for the first time in his life that he'd be telling a lie that might really hurt someone.



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Last updated: 07/05/04.