Justin leaned back in the chair that he was
sitting in and began to chew furiously on the straw in his mouth. He'd gotten
there almost three hours before and had eaten lunch. Instead of slipping
upstairs to go sit with JC and Alex while they smoked a cigarette he'd grabbed a
straw and began to chew it as he slid out of the flip-flops he was wearing. He
wasn't normally a smoker, but that afternoon even that seemed like it might calm
his nerves a little. He reached down and scratched his leg and stared at the
tattoos on his leg that were revealed to the general public since he'd chosen to
wear shorts that day. He'd seen more than a few flashes go off when he left the
hotel and he wondered if any pictures of his legs would end up on the internet.
He'd been searching around one day and found an entire site devoted to his
tattoos, which on the one hand was amazing and on the other hand scared him to
death.
He stopped chewing and pulled the straw out of his mouth to stare at the way
he'd twisted it in his teeh. It was quiet for once and he didn't want it to
end. Of course there was music playing because JC couldn't go a minute without
something playing, but the idea that there were no fans around for miles made
him feel calm. When JC and Alex had run up to the first floor from the basement
to go out to the porch it left Rip and Justin to listen to the song that Farzana
had just finished recording a demo for.
If I lay my voice down at your feet
Will you still hear my song echoing ?
That I might end this game of hide and seek
Because in you I am complete
Oh in you I am complete
Justin's head had been cloudy all morning. When Meredith had gotten so upset
with him earlier he'd decided to leave things alone, but it wasn't that he
didn't want to know what was going on with her. It was their day off and he
didn't want to spend it fighting with her. Things had been tense for them for
most of the last few days and he knew something bigger was brewing, but he
figured that from his experience with her that she'd cool off about whatever was
on her mind and show up at JC's for dinner. She would come to visit with
Farzana if nothing else and he planned that he would take her aside and talk to
her if she was still in a bad mood.
All the voices I hear in my sleep
All the sins of my past echoing
To stay off my knees and on my feet
Oh but they, They can't compete
Cause in you I am complete
"This is great stuff," Justin said shoving the straw back into his mouth to chew
for a moment before taking it out and throwing it in the trash.
He leaned forward and grabbed a pen and scribbled some notes in the little
notebook. He liked the line about sins of the past echoing. It wasn't
something that he would have thought would come from Farzana so he thought he'd
write it down. He'd been doing that lately and had gotten himself a nice little
notebook of interesting sayings and words that he never would have used in his
own vocabulary.
"Too bad she gave up the singing." Justin looked up towards the stairway to
make sure that JC wasn't there. He'd never want to argue with him about how
Farzana had given up on her singing career to write. It was a touchy subject
for his friend considering that JC had done most of the leg work to get her the
contract in the first place. He knew that if something ever happened to
Meredith and she wanted to quit that he'd feel really hurt. He wouldn't be
upset with her really, just disappointed that she hadn't found what he'd found
in the business.
"Yeah well she's a better song writer than singer. She's a great singer, but
she's more relaxed not recording stuff. She'd rather hear someone else sing her
stuff...which I will never understand, but it works for me and Alex and JC
because we get to produce stuff like this all the time and working with the
group and David has been good for her."
"Still--" Justin didn't understand why someone with a talent like hers would
want to turn into another Diane Warren. He knew for a fact that Diane could
sing the hell out of a song, but it was rare to ever actually hear her sing. He
hated to think that Farzana would turn out the same way. "It seems like such a
waste to hide her voice like that. I mean have you ever really heard her...not
demo stuff, but her and Jace just sitting at a piano? The way he plays and the
way she sings and that passion that is there is like magic."
"She likes it better this way though Justin," he said, "Ever think about that?"
He took a breath. "Alex and me can sing pretty well, but you don't see us out
on stage...some people are just better not performing."
"I just don't understand that," he said, "I live to perform."
"And I live to produce," Rip said, "Different strokes for different folks."
Justin started to laugh and began to hum the theme song to the television show
Different Strokes. "What you talking about Willis?" he said and for a moment
his mind flew to Meredith wondering what she was up to.
"How's Meredith's tour been going?" he asked as he flipped off the song and took
the demo CD out of the player. "I hear that the first night on tour was amazing
and that you surprising her like that really threw her for a curve."
"It's fine." Justin took the straw out of his mouth and stared at it closely
for a minute then slid back into his flip-flops.
"The song is working ok right?" he asked.
Justin nodded.
*****
Like the stars need the sky
and the river needs it's rain
like an eagle needs it's wings
and the fire needs it's flames
like the sun needs the day
and the night needs the moon
like the air that I breathe
that's how I...
When his hand finally reached out and took hers he knew that she was going to
cry. He brought her closer and put and arm around her pulling her tight. He
moved his hand to her cheek and smiled at her and it was as if everything in the
whole room, all those thousands of people, disappeared and it was just them up
there.
dreamed of you
I dreamed you
When he stepped a little away from her she put the microphone to her mouth and
started to sing and the song continued, him holding her hand while their voices
mix appropriately, him giving backup vocals when needed on the next verse.
It's hard to explain
but when you know you know
I was so amazed by you
you had me and: 'hello'
I need you in my heart
my body, mind and soul
it only took a moment to take my breath away
will u stay?
For the chorus they sang together and just stared at each other. At one point
he wiped some tears from her cheek, but other than that it was as if they were
frozen in time there together.
Like the stars need the sky
and the river needs it's rain
like an eagle needs it's wings
and the fire needs it's flames
like the sun needs the day
and the night needs the moon
like the air that I breathe
that's how I...
I dreamed of you (and I)
Our love can't be denied, no no
there's nothing I can do, nothing I can say
my heart always knew
that's how I dreamed of you
For the next part of the song Justin danced her around a little until she was
standing with her back to him and he pulled her so that she was standing against
him and he sang to her while hugging her close. He'd seen someone put their
arms around the other half of their duet like that and while he was sure that it
was done a lot for the look of it, he mostly wanted to be able to feel her
against him like that without making it look like he was trying to cop a feel.
Stars needs sky
river needs rain
like an eagle needs it's wings
and the fire needs it's flames
like the sun needs the day, yeah
and the night needs the moon
like the air that I breathe
that's how I need you
Finally Justin let her go and reached to touch a finger to her lips. In a very
dramatic fashion he stepped away from her and began to sing the last chorus. He
raised his voice a little and let the emotions that came along with the lyrics
come out. For a moment he thought he might scare her since she wasn't used to
him being that into the song, but he knew that he needed to show her how much in
love with her he was before she forgot.
Like the stars, sky
river and rain
like an eagle needs it's wings
and the fire needs it's flames
like the sun it needs the day
and the night needs the moon
like the air that I breathe
that's how I need you
like the air that I breathe
that's how I...
dreamed of you
I dreamed of you
yeah
yes I did
oh baby
The arena went black as the final piano notes were played. Justin ran towards
her. He kissed her quickly and hugged her then disappeared off stage.
*****
"Troubles in paradise?" Rip asked.
"Something like that." He sat up straighter in his chair and tapped a drumbeat
on the arm of the chair then looked out the small window in the corner of the
room. He could see sky and clouds, but nothing more. He noticed that the
basement looked more like a dungeon and felt trapped for a moment, like he was
doomed to be trapped in the studio and never get out for the rest of his life.
When his breaths started to become labored with these thoughts he took a deep
breath. "Meredith has been tired lately and our nerves are just shot. It's
nothing serious."
"You sure?" he asked.
"Leave it alone Rip." Justin's voice rose as he pushed himself out of his seat
and started up the stairs. When his cell phone rang in his pocket he grabbed it
out. "What?"
"Jesus," she said, "Maybe I should call back."
"Shit," He rolled his shoulders to try to ease the tension. He instantly
recognized his voice and his day went from bad to worse. He just prayed that
their conversation would be short so they wouldn't blow this into some huge war.
"I'm sorry Mere." He tried quickly to think of someway to change the subject.
He knew that tension had been building between them, but he didn't want to sit
on the phone and talk about it. He needed to see her face to face if they were
going to talk things out. "What's up? Did you have a good morning?"
"What's with the sugar coated treatment?" she asked dryly.
"Jesus Christ!" he said. He wondered for a moment if she was starting her
period or something. It was probably a sexist thing to think, but there wasn't
anything else that would explain her moody nature to him. "I don't ask you if
you're ok an you get mad and then I ask you how your morning was and you yell at
me."
"Maybe I shouldn't come over to JC's," she said. He couldn't see her, but he
imagined the face that she was giving him over the phone and wanted to reach out
and tickle her. She was taking herself way too seriously at the moment.
Justin sighed, "No...no...come over. I'm sorry." He put a hand across his
forehead and rubbed his forehead and the bridge of his nose as he walked up the
stairs to the first floor. "I didn't get enough sleep I think and I'm getting a
headache. I'm sorry for being a prick."
"Are you sure?" she asked, "Cuz I know you wanted to spend time with the guys."
"What does that mean?" he asked. It had been true that he'd sounded a little
more than excited about hanging out with JC, but it didn't seem at all strange
that he would want to see a band mate that he hadn't seen in almost a week. She
wouldn't understand the connection he had with his friends. Even when he was
pissed at them it was hard to have them be out of state. They were connected in
a way that no one could understand; hell they didn't even understand it.
"I don't know," she said.
"Just come over," he said and walked into the kitchen and looked at JC. "When
is Farzana gonna be back?"
"Around three," he said looking up. "Is that Mere?"
"Yeah."
"Lemme talk to her." JC held out his hand to take the phone away from him.
"Fine," Justin sighed and spoke into the phone. "JC wants to talk to you."
"Ok."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Forty minutes later Justin heard the door open and went rushing up the stairs.
He was half way around the corner when he saw Farzana coming in the door. She
wore jeans and flip flops and a strange red and orange shirt that looked like
something more JC's style than hers, but it seemed to work. She had a bag over
her shoulder and sunglasses that were in the process of being taken off when she
came in the door.
"Oh...it's you."
"Thanks Justin," she said putting her glasses and car keys onto the table just
inside the door. "Thanks."
"I was expecting Meredith," he said, "Sorry." He awkwardly went over and hugged
her. "I didn't mean to sound not excited to see you."
"It's ok," she said and leaned and kissed his cheek. "Are you ok? You look a
little tired."
He shrugged and sighed. "A week on tour kinda does that to a person."
"Oh," she said, "Let me tell you...I know the feeling." She looked around a
minute, "Where is my little boyfriend?"
"In the studio," he said.
"Well at least I won't lose him ever," she said with a sigh and let the bag that
was over her shoulder drop to the floor. She took her hair out of the pony tail
she had it in and fixed her hair a little, "I'm starving...wanna help me find
something to eat before Josh pulls me into the studio for the rest of the day?"
"Sure." He shrugged and wondered for a moment if she was happy with the way
things were going. She didn't seem like she liked to be in the studio, from
what he saw. She'd just come from work though and maybe going from one studio
to another wasn't her thing. He knew she loved the music or she wouldn't be
working with David and the group he was , but he would have figured that she'd
be more excited to be in the studio with JC instead of actually working in the
studio with a record label instead.
"Come on kiddo," she said taking his hand. He must have zoned out a little
because she gave him a strange look. "I'll make you a margarita and we'll hang
out for a minute before we go down to the dungeon."
"Ok." His shoulder's dropped as he followed her into the living room and
through to the kitchen.
"So how has the tour been?"
"Can we not talk about the tour?" he asked. He didn't like the sound of his
voice. He knew he'd been tired, but he sounded like he was regretting the whole
thing, which was the farthest thing from the truth. He liked being on tour with
Meredith, probably more than he did with the guys. He had half the
responsibilities and got to spend time with Meredith when he could get her away
from her promotional stuff. It seemed to be the best of both worlds for the
moment, if you ignored the tension between them.
"I take it that things aren't going well," she said as she pulled out the
blender and a container from the freezer that had already formed ice in it. She
turned and went to find a lime or something and looked up at the ceiling.
"JOSHUA!!! YOU LITTLE FUCKER!!! YOU ATE ALL MY LIMES!!!"
"SORRY ZANA!" JC's voice came from the lower level of the house a moment later,
followed by a little bit of a laugh then footsteps could be heard on the steps
and a moment later, JC, Rip and Alex were all standing in the kitchen watching
along with Justin as JC pulled Farzana into a hug and kissed her.
Justin turned his head away and looked out the kitchen window down into the LA
basin looking for something to keep his attention from the happy couple across
the room. He could hear them playfully bicker over the limes and near the end
of the conversation JC tapped him on the shoulder. "We're going to the store to
get limes. Wanna catch a ride with us?"
Justin knew that it wasn't that big of a deal to go places with security, but it
was still light out and if he gauged right in his head close to when school
would be getting out so he didn't want to chance being stuck in a shopping
center with fans. "I'll stay here," he said, "If that's cool."
JC tipped his head to the side and studied his face, "Sure. I'm sure Todd would
have kittens if he knew you were out anyway."
"Yeah," Justin said then moved to the fridge and grabbed out another beer and
opened it and then took a seat in the tiny dining room next to the kitchen.
He yelled his goodbyes as the guys left, but Justin kept his eyes on his beer
bottle. He was reading the surgeon general's warning about drinking and
pregnancy and a thought crossed his mind about Meredith and having a family with
her. He wasn't sure at this point that he was ready to broach the subject of
marriage, but he pictured her with children and somehow knew he'd be in her life
for those moments.
Farzana came into the dining room after putting the ice away then took a seat
across from him. "So are you gonna tell me what's on your mind or are you going
to be the silent moody type all night?"
"I'll chose silent and moody for a thousand Alex," he said mimicking the Jepordy
game show.
"Come on J," she said, "Tell me what's wrong."
"It's Meredith," he said then lowered his eyebrows, "Or it's me--Either way the
two of us have been fighting a lot...nothing major to break up about, but just
little things."
"Like what?" she asked.
"I got pissed off the other night when I couldn't get into the dressing room to
see her and then this morning she and I fought over I don't know what. She just
yelled at me for nothing--" He sat up a little in his chair, "I tried to just
write it off as being part of her whole PMS thing, but she swears that I'm being
sexist or whatever."
"You are being sexist," Farzana said firmly.
"God," he said, "I didn't mean it like that. I just have learned in the last
year or so that she gets really short tempered during--" He paused for a moment
wondering how he'd gotten so comfortable with someone and was even talking about
his girlfriend's period with someone. "It always happens at that time of the
month so--"
"What'd she yell at you for this morning?"
"I don't know. I asked her if she was going to come over to JC's today and hang
out with the guys. I know she might not find it to be the most exciting things
to do with her day off, but you never know when you might find a hit song or
whatever. I just wanted her to be able to be around some of the best
producers--" He leaned across the table and hit at her hand lightly. "--and the
best songwriter I know."
"Thanks for the compliment Justin, but you just answered your question for
yourself."
He turned to look at her feeling tears almost coming to his eyes when he thought
about her being mad at him. He could take her being upset at him, but that
morning she'd been mad and he'd walked out and left her there. "I did?"
"You said it was her day off and you also said that you wanted her to be
working. You can't have it both ways sometimes. Being on tour--like I need to
tell you this--is hard work and I think for Meredith she really likes her days
off. I don't think she hates her career, but when you're doing promos and
everything like that it's hard to know where the publicity ends and where you
begin." Farzana smiled. "You have to remember that she's about five years
behind where you are in your career. You also have to remember that she's a
solo artist and it's a lot different from being in a group. All the attention
is on her unlike with NSYNC where there are five of you to take on the press."
Justin nodded. "Why isn't she telling me this stuff? I mean I know I can be an
ass when it comes to work, but I--"
"Maybe you need to listen harder," she said, "Or listen differently--"
Justin frowned.
"What?"
"Why all of a sudden do I feel like I'm in an after school special? I feel like
I should hug you and then look for a camera to make a cheesy fade out picture."
Farzana laughed, "I thought you already had a lot of experience with that...that
whole Mickey Mouse thing comes to mind." She saw him frown again and then
pulled at his hand, "Let's go and grab something to eat. Maybe Josh didn't eat
all my food."
Lyrics--Complete by Stephen Speaks --
www.stephenspeaks.com
**I think from these lyrics that the You in the song is referring to God, but I
changed it up a little to fit the story.**
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