The Song Remembers When 4


Just as she slid from his room she saw her mother in law coming around the corner with a sandwich in her hand. "Farzana?" she asked as Farzana leaned against the wall for support.

"Hi," she said and straightened up a little. She didn't want to worry her. Karen had enough to worry about with JC, she didn't need to add her to the list.

"You ok?" she asked.

"Yeah," Farzana said with a smile. "I'm just a little...I don't know...I'm not sure what I am right now."

"That's understandable."

It seemed as if everyone around JC was doing a lot more sighing in the last few hours. Everyone was exhausted. She couldn't believe that it had only been a few hours. It had seemed like years sitting out in the waiting room and when she finally did get in to see him the conversation seemed too short.

"JC asked if I'd pick him up tomorrow and take him home, well to the condo anyway--" She forced a smile that she wasn't feeling. She wanted to go home and cry herself to sleep. She couldn't believe that she had come so close to losing him. When they'd told her that he didn't' remember the last few months of their lives it had broken her heart, but the look in his eyes, or actually the lack of recognition she saw there seemed to just break the pieces of her heart into smaller bits. "So that's a good sign I'd think."

"Yeah." Karen's mind immediately went to work. Farzana could see it on her face as the older woman began to mentally plan out what to do when JC got home. "I'll come over and--"

"He said just me," Farzana explained and watched as Karen's expression fell. "He said that--on our own--I know that he didn't mean that you should stay away, but--"

"No," she said, "That's good. I don't know how long he'll have to stay home and rest--"

Silence fell over them as a few doctors and nurses walked by. They didn't seem to know what else to say to each other.

"I think I'm going to go home and clean up," Farzana said, "I need to go shopping and maybe take a nap. Once he gets home I know I'm going to be busy."

"That sounds good," Karen said, "Make sure you take that nap. If anything happens I'll give you a call on the cell."

"I will."

When Loni slid up next to her she sighed.  "Can you get me out of here?"

"Where'd you park?" he asked.

She nodded and looked around for a moment.  "I don't know.  I don't remember."

"It's ok Farzana," he said pulling her into a hug as she burst into tears, "I got ya."

"Thank you Lonnie," she said, "I know I don't say that enough to you."

"Don't worry about it. That's what I'm here for."

"Well thank you just the same."

"I'll talk to you later honey," Karen said and hugged her.

They started towards the elevator before Loni tired to broach the subject of her husband. "How's JC?" he asked. He knew that everyone had been bombarding her with questions, but he wanted to know how she was doing. It was his job to take care of her husband, that was written down in the contract, but he'd been taking care of JC's whole family since the beginning so it was nothing new for him to worry a little about her too.

"It went better than I thought it would," she explained, "He's going to come home with me tomorrow if all goes well."

The elevator took a moment to come, but soon they were inside heading towards the ground level of the hospital. "It's good that it went well with you," Lonnie said.

"Do you think I should tell him about what was going on before he got in the accident?"

"Patience," Lonnie said with a calming tone. "You need to be patient with him. He's not doing this on purpose. You have to remember that. It's just as out of his control as it is out of your control."

She nodded. "I know."

When they got to the ground floor they'd have to walk across the street and up into the parking garage. When the door of the elevator opened, reporters could be seen in the lobby. They weren't allowed anywhere inside, but they'd been waiting there for a few hours.

"You ready?" Loni asked.

She nodded and moved into position, sliding up close to him so that he could put an arm around her back like always. He looked up at the group and tried to see the best way through them.

^^^^^

JC normally wasn't a fitful sleeper, but that night when he closed his eyes he found himself caught in some kind of a nightmare.  Whatever was weighing on his mind made his temples hurt and made him feel dizzy even though he was lying on his back in bed, or at least he had been when he'd closed his eyes.

"You ok?" He heard Lonnie's voice somewhere in the darkness.

JC shrugged.  His eyes searched the room and he saw the sign for the restrooms.  He decided he had better head in that direction, "I'm gonna pee and get a water then we're outta here."

"You want--"

JC turned his head.  "I don't need a sitter."

"You sure about that?" Lonnie said from the darkness.

Time wasn't moving as it should and when he closed his eyes for a moment to clear the blurriness from them he found himself keeping them closed.

Blackness.

Then a flash of bright light.

A flash of red.

A sudden rush of wind blew across his cheeks.

Music playing over and over again.

I'm drifting into an empty space
I'm drifting into an empty space
I'm drifting into an empty space

His eyes slammed shut at another burst of light.

Blackness again.

Then a face appeared behind his eye lids and he felt a sudden calm wash over him then an intense sense of misery so acute that it felt like a physical pain. There were tears in the woman's small eyes that had spilt over and were falling down in thin streams over her pink cheeks. His initial urge to reach out and hold her was replaced by the need to open his eyes.

This was a trap. Her tears weren't something that he felt deep down that he should have sympathy for, but something wouldn't let him truly feel that emotion. This wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to hold her. He was supposed to be angry...very angry, he felt that, but the question was angry at what?

^^^^^

It only took a half hour to get home from the hospital and by the time she got there she felt the fatigue of the last few days catching up with her. She had things to do though. It was true that the place needed to be cleaned, but mostly the excuse was to get herself busy and to keep her mind off of everything else.

She shut herself in turning on the air-conditioning as she went passed the large couch to the kitchen to check for messages. She picked up the phone and heard the strange tone that signaled voicemail. She dialed the voicemail number then her password before leaning to push the speakerphone button to listen to the messages, placing the phone on the counter. She opened the refrigerator, found a diet coke and set it on the counter and listened as she got out a glass and some ice.

"Hey Zana..." She quickly pressed the button to skip the message. It was his last one that he left for her before the accident and she couldn't bare to hear it again, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to erase it.

"Hey girl," the female voice said, "It's Britney. I know I'm not really one of the crowd anymore, but I heard about what's going on and I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you. I'll be in Australia for another week, but when I get back I'll stop by and see how you're doing."

The next message started to play. "Farzana," the thick accent of her father came through the line, "Farzana, your mother and I heard about the accident.  Please call us.  We would come down there, but we didn't know if you needed the extra company.  Karen called us and told us all the details.  Please call us."

Farzana reached and ended the message.  She slid into a seat at the breakfast bar and slid out of her shoes. She wanted to crawl into bed, but she couldn't. It was too early to go to sleep for the night.

It took only a moment for her to start to feel tired so she got up and went to clean up the bedroom, taking her full glass with her. They'd only arrived in Florida for Challenge for the Children a day ago, but she thought that she'd change the sheets and clean the upstairs bathroom before she stopped to get something for dinner. She could have gone to the studio--she probably should have considering that she needed some activity to get her tired enough to sleep at night, but being there she knew that she would never hear the end of everyone's questions if she showed up the next morning with dark circles under her eyes.


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